I’m back with the Key to Dying Happy!
After a 2 month hiatus I am back to blogland! I have to admit I am still struggling with my bipolar medication but I have accepted that this might be a lifelong issue for me and I have something important to share.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of my beloved Granny’s death and as I stood over her and Granda’s grave I was thinking about how I don’t want to be buried. I don’t want to have some relatives calling up sporadically after I’m gone to leave flowers and tidy up weeds around a gravesite.
I was hoping that visiting the grave would give me some peace but instead I arrived to two workmen cementing my grandparent’s neighbour’s grave. They were working away with the music blaring from their van and when I came up they jauntily said hello and carried on with their work. After about 5 minutes of me weeping silently and trying to fix my flowers and them working away beside me I had to ask them to turn the music off and give me 5 minutes to mourn my Granny in peace! Thankfully they did this and after my five minutes I thanked them and moved on to visit my other (less beloved) grandparents to do some more weeding.
It made me more determined than ever to not be buried. I dislike the neglect. Instead I want to be remembered in other ways and to do this I am determined to leave a legacy. I read this article from Leo Babauta on zenhabits.net and it really resonated with me…
The Key to Dying Happy
There are a million jokes that could be made with the above headline, half of them dirty. But this post isn’t one of them — it’s about what’s important in life, how you want to live, and how you want to die. It’s about living a life of purpose, and being remembered well after you move on from this life.
To die happy, you must live life with that end in mind. Live a life of purpose.
That’s easier said than done, of course. In this post, I’ll look at a great way to find that purpose in your life, and to live every day with that purpose in mind, and to align your daily actions with that purpose.
First ask why
But first, let’s ask the obvious question: “Why does this matter?”
Let’s consider for a moment the life that most of us lead: we get up in the morning, we do what we have to do for the day, if we’re lucky we get some time to relax or do something fun, if we’re even luckier we get some time to spend with loved ones. And this repeats itself in endless variations until we get old.
What happens then? We look back on our lives, and perhaps we wish we’d done stuff differently, or wish we’d accomplished something. But after a certain point, it’s a bit too late.
This post is about doing something about it now, about choosing to live differently before it’s too late.
Now let’s think about what’s important. At any given moment, whatever is in front of us is important. That assignment has to be done right away! That’s because we’re looking closely, at the details.
But if we pulled back, took a step away from our lives, those details become less important. Soon we can start to see the forest. Unless we pull back some more — and now we can see a continent. Pull back further, and we see the Earth, the solar system, the galaxy — and now nothing in our lives are important.
Obviously, you need to get the right amount of perspective.
The best tool for that, I’ve found, is a famous principle of Stephen Covey’s: begin with the end in mind. And here’s how he tells us to do that: by imagining what we’d like people to say about us at our funeral. Do we want them to say that we were kind-hearted, or charitable, or loving, or successful, or that we accomplished great things, or found a cure for cancer? However we want to be remembered, that’s how we should live our lives, every moment of every day, starting right now.
Live With Purpose — A How-to Guide
If you want to live a life of purpose, here’s a method for doing so (you were wondering when the list would come!):
- Your purpose. Start by taking 10 minutes out of your life to find some quiet space, and to close your eyes, and to think. Ask yourself: How do I want to be remembered? What do I want people to say about me at my funeral? Think about that for 10 minutes, then write down your answers. There may be a few different things, or 10, or just one.
- Write it down. Put your purpose — how you want to be remembered — on a sheet of paper. Type it out, or write it lovingly with a Magic Marker — it doesn’t matter. Put it in nice, big letters. This is your life mission. Post it up somewhere visible, or make it your desktop background. Be reminded of it every day.
- Morning ritual. Every morning, rise with the sun (or at the crack of noon, it doesn’t matter), and look at your purpose. Read it out loud, and give it some thought. Ask yourself: what can I do today to help fulfill my purpose? Now write that down on your to-do list — even if it’s something simple, like “Smile at my co-workers” or “Give my kids a hug”.
- Align your actions. As much as possible, make your actions move your toward your purpose. Keep that purpose in mind throughout the day. If it helps, send yourself email reminders. After awhile, it’ll become a part of your nature.
- Evening ritual. Take a few minutes before you go to bed to look back on your day, on your actions, on what you accomplished. Perhaps write about it in a journal (this is best, but it’s up to you). Look at your purpose again, and think about how you could have lived today differently. Then figure out how you can live your purpose better tomorrow.
These simple actions aren’t that hard to do. They might take some energy and focus in the beginning to make it a habit, but with focus, you can make it happen. And your life will be filled with purpose, and you will live your life with happiness, and eventually, with a little luck, die happy. May your life be blessed.
For those who are curious, I just came up with my life mission now (subject to change):
He was an amazing dad.
He made his wife happy.
He was a good, compassionate person.
He made the lives others better (especially those in need).
He was a great writer.
He was happy.
And here is mine:
- She was a loving daughter.
- She was a wonderful wife.
- She was a fun friend.
- She was a fantastic teacher (of yoga, Pilates and much, much more).
- She was a great writer who left a legacy of work which will inspire others forever.
Not much to ask for??